A lesson on splitting as told by a bpd individual:
If you have bpd you may have heard of ‘splitting’. Splitting is dichotomic thinking, a term used to describe the inability to find a grey area in thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. A description of a person who splits sees the world in terms of black or white, all or nothing, good or bad. Splitting is a defence mechanism that allows sufferers to easily discard things they consider “bad” and enjoy things considered “good”. It is one of the nine criteria used to diagnosed BPD.
It’s as though one can only be a best friend or an enemy and anything they do considered as bad will permanently taint the memories and experiences with that person. It’s a reaction to the fear of abandonment, the idea of being abandonded seems so abhorrent, that it’s easier to just tell ourselves that person was evil, and everything nice they ever did was all a joke or part of an act. The problem is that we apply that same structure to ourselves. We need constant reassurance that we are a good person, because it is so easy to turn everything around as another reason to hate ourselves if we think we have done something wrong.
It isn’t unheard of that splitting can interfere with relationships, and events or arguments end in an absolute finish with no middle ground open for discussion. People who split are often seen as overly dramatic, of which such behavior can be exhausting and draining. Below is a list of the most common classic splitting signs.
Immediate thinking: (either-one-or-the-other style of thinking with no middle area)
Passive aggression (an indirect expression of hostility)
Emotional hypochondriasis (trying to get others to understand how severe your emotional pain is)
Projective identification (projecting emotions onto someone else, and then behaving towards that person in a way that results in them to responding to you with the emotions you projected onto them)
And non-sufferers, here are some things you can do to reassure your loved one.
Cultivate as much empathy and love as you can. Particular actions may seem intentional and devious, but your loved one is not doing any of this to gain satisfaction or behave in a toxic way, they are only defense mechanisms used when the sufferer feels defenceless. Remember that your response will set the tone of the problem and that you are the only one who can control your temper. Behaving in a hostile way will make the situation worse and will almost certainly taint and sour your loved one’s view of you. Failure to communicate fuels your loved one’s abandonment theory, so be sure to remind them that you care and you love them, and more than anything, please be patient. We are trying.
